I honestly don’t even know where to start with this post. I debated whether I wanted to write it today, or on the actual day of graduation, but since I have so many thoughts running through my head right now I thought I’d write it today.
I had my last day of undergrad classes today, and next Saturday the 14th I will graduate from college. It’s an incredibly bittersweet day, for lack of a better word. I honestly thought I’d be much more excited to graduate than I’m currently feeling. Right now I am a giant walking ball of emotions and I feel like I might burst out crying at any second. College has offered me so many opportunities that I am forever grateful for. I studied for a semester in beautiful Burlington Vermont before transferring to SUNY Oneonta. I’ve had my own radio show, taken classes from an array or amazing professors, became a better piano player thanks to numerous teachers, traveled to Paris, and studied in England. I have also met some incredible friends, including my wonderful boyfriend of over two years.
However as I think about all of the fun I’ve had, I can’t help but think about the many things I wish I had done differently. I know I can’t change the past, but I still can’t help but think about the many what if’s. “What if I hadn’t transferred colleges?”, “What if I hadn’t changed my major?”,”What if I took that class I was too scared to take?”,”What if I tried out for the dance company?” It’s not healthy to live in the past so I’m hoping that by writing out all of my regrets and what-ifs that it will give the strength to get over them. I read a very timely Instagram post from yoga_girl this morning, and it reads like this:
“There is no such thing as “should have”. You are where you are and what’s done is done. Do the best you can with what life has given you in this moment! Let go of the idea that the past could have been different. It couldn’t have – because it wasn’t. The time is now. N O W ! Don’t waste time thinking of the what if’s; instead, spend today taking the steps needed to create a life you’re proud of. There is nothing holding you back. Everything you need to move forward you already have. Get started! What are you waiting for? Really?”
Her words couldn’t have summed up my feelings better. I think right now I am feeling a mix of fear for the future, regret about the past three years, a sense of sadness for what is over, and a bit of excitement for whatever may lie ahead. Most people who are about to graduate talk about how excited they are and seem to be confident about their future. However I know I can’t be the only one feeling the way I am currently feeling.
When I graduated high school I was 100% ready to be done. My friends and I were so excited on the day of gradutaion, taking pictures and talking about how happy we were to be moving on. I remember feeling completely at ease on the day of my high school graduation because I knew what was next: college. I had a plan and a direction and it was easy to see the path in front of me. Right now I feel as if I am staring off in to a foggy abyss with not an inkling of an idea about what I want to do with my life. I’ve been in school for the past 15 years of my life…now what? I know it doesn’t have to be all figured out the second I cross that stage next Friday, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still scared. I’ll figure it out one step at a time, just like everyone else in this world. Whatever I end up doing, and wherever I may end up, I just want to be happy.
I have everything I need to move forward, I just need to get going.
Until next time,